To Each His Own

Besides being the title of an old romantic ballad played and sung by Eddie Howard in the forties and fifties, the title as used here is a reflection on a post by Grace Scott, my partner in this blog.

A couple of posts back, she made the point that romance is in the mind of the person who defines it. Each person decides what the word "romance" means to him or her. I agree wholeheartedly with Grace and just for the heck of it, I thought I'd jot down some thoughts on the way I view romance without attempting to define it.

First, I think most people believe that women are more romantic than men. Women are supposed to be romantic by nature whereas men are thought of as pragmatic get-it-done types with little time for romantic interludes. This belief may or may not pass the holds-water test. I suggest that women are more open about their romantic feelings than men because male culture tends to dampen overt signs of romanticism. Male peer pressure is very powerful. No man wants to be thought of as weak or sissified or feminine. But that doesn't mean men lack romanticism, merely that they aren't as open about it as women. I would argue that some men are highly romantic, some are not. As Grace says, it's an individual thing.

I also have observed generational differences in perceptions of romance. For those who care to listen to the music of past generations, they may be struck by the lack of overt and blatant sexuality in the tempo and lyrics of music in the 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s. That doesn't mean sex didn't exist then, merely that it wasn't flaunted in public as it often is today. Softness seems to give rise to romantic feelings whereas much of the music and lyrics today seem focused on sex. In my judgment, there is romantic sex and then there is sex for the sake of sex. I may be wrong about that, but I perceive a good deal of sex for the sake of sex today with an added element. Many people today seem proud and unashamed of their encounters, even keeping track with Excel spreadsheets. I'm old fashioned about this, certainly, but I see no respect for the other person in these sorts of activities and certainly no romance.

My third an final observation concerns concepts of romance in different cultures. Not all societies and cultures share the American version of romance. Some cultures, like Japan, still, even in this modern era, encourage arranged marriages and discourages romantic engagements. But oddly, within this framework, romance thrives in such beliefs that gray hair is a desirable romantic commodity in a man. A man in Japan with a streak of gray hair is referred to as having "romance gray." In the Philippines, music is a predominant vehicle for the encouragement of soft romance. The music of the Philippines is largely the music of Spain and it is centered around romantic ballads. Filipinos love to dance and we all know that dancing is a sure fire enhancement of a romantic relationship.

Okay, these are my thoughts on romance. What are yours? Let us know your opinions about romance and about your own romantic stories.